three (video) ♊ good friends are those who stick together

[viiru2alert]

[Attached to this post is a short audio file that seems to play itself automatically when the post is opened for the first time; even though the Gear says that Sollux posted this, the voice clearly isn’t his. It’s high and squeaky, just as grainy as any other Gear call, but the dialogue goes something like this – “Hi, Sollux! I just saw you get the Zephyr Badge from Falkner, that was so cool! Well, that’s all! Later!”]

[Who knows how Sollux did that, but he’s Sollux, so anyone who knows him probably shouldn’t have it come as much of a surprise. Another thing that shouldn’t come as much of a surprise is the fact that he looks absolutely miserable. Granted, Sollux looks absolutely miserable anyway, but judging from that audio post it seems like he’s actually justified this time; Sollux has apparently become the next victim of every Trainer’s sworn enemy…]

[…Juggler Irwin.]

Hey, I’ve got a question.

This asshole has been calling me incessantly about pretty much every step I took since leaving Goldenrod. He’s a fucking stalker.

...

So, how much do assassination services go for in the Kanto area? Johto too, for that matter?

Comments

text;

[ghostytrainer]

ahaha, oh man, good luck.
this is exactly why you don't give your phone number out to random strangers you meet one the routes.

text;

[viiru2alert]

way two giive me that 2hiiniing adviice me iin a tiimely and 2iigniifiicant manner, a22hole.

action cause hi

[shadowdive]

Those are pretty normal. How they get your number in the first place is another thing entirely, but I get one named Youngster Joey. At least it sounds like yours has... fairly normal things to say, instead of going on and on about his "awesome Rattata".

action

[viiru2alert]

Normal? Vanitas, we have a stalker. And I can't even torture this one.

[...Look, he lived in a big city, okay. There were unpleasant folk around.]

[papshooshing]

[ brb laughing his ass off. ]

[viiru2alert]

I can't even Trollforce choke him, KK! This is a serious problem!

[He transitioned into jokey mode pretty fast there, whoa.]

Video;

[8etterl8]

[Oh poor, poor Sollux. Falling victim to the npcs. No worries, Vriska will take you up on that offer.]

I might be willing to offer my services.

Video;

[viiru2alert]

Oh fuck no, not you.

I'm looking for someone who, after completing the assassination, won't decide to move on to everyone else.

video;

[earthshattering]

[ Disapproving big brother look X( ]

Surely assassination is not the only way. Could you just tell them that you don't want to be bothered?

video;

[viiru2alert]

[go away bro, he does what he wants.]

Oh boy! [Sollux smacks himself on the forehead.] Tell him to stop? Golly gee darn, why didn't I think of that!?

...Except I did.

Every single conversation.

[So obviously the next logical course of action is to put a bullet through his head.]

Video;

[tentacletrainer]

I suggest calling him back an impractical amount of times for a good week or so, until he grows tired of hearing you and therefor wishes not to talk to you again.

Video;

[viiru2alert]

But that would mean actually talking to him.

Text

[moveslikestrider]

seconding roses advice
but adding in find the most annoying music you can and play that when they answer it

Text

[viiru2alert]

iive been u2iing thii2 up untiil now.
2hould ii go harder?

video;

[uuing]

.. Uu-.. assassi-- assi.. [ okay, no, this little girl here gives up on trying to prounounce that, she'll just blink instead. ]

What's that..?

video;

[viiru2alert]

It's when you pay a guy to find another guy and kill him.

[Sollux Captor: corrupting the minds of the pure since 1996.]

[roemance]

cant evven assassinate someone yourself wway to go sol

[viiru2alert]

a2 iif you can.
and iif you could, would you even take the money from a yellowblood?

[blackestheart]

if you're all up and needing it bro

[He doesn't think he needs to finish that, it should speak for itself here.]

[usedshooshpap]

NOT HAPPENING.

video; IT'S ABOUT TIME THESE TWO MET

[fairycircle]

Hurting someone is not the answer!

video; IT REALLY IS

[viiru2alert]

Hurting someone is always the answer.

[video]

[islandshore]

Can't you just get a restraining order?

[He smirks.]

Assassination's kind of impossible.

[viiru2alert]

Oh yeah?

Until I get proof that people seriously can't die here, sorry, I'm not buying it.

[text]

[iownahoofbeast]

D--> I would have presumed your programming skills were more than capable of blocking contact from a single human, Captor

[viiru2alert]

[Oh, it's this asshole. Great. Just what he needed.]

what the fuck do you know about programiing, zahhak?
here2 an an2wer: nothiing.
becau2e iif you DIID, iit would be obviiou2 that thii2 technology ii2 ju2t too 2hiitty to be modiifiied on iit2 own.
there mu2t be 2ome kiind of equiipment 2omewhere ii can u2e to hack iinto iit, but untiil ii fiind that equiipment?
no.