three (video) ♊ good friends are those who stick together

[viiru2alert]

[Attached to this post is a short audio file that seems to play itself automatically when the post is opened for the first time; even though the Gear says that Sollux posted this, the voice clearly isn’t his. It’s high and squeaky, just as grainy as any other Gear call, but the dialogue goes something like this – “Hi, Sollux! I just saw you get the Zephyr Badge from Falkner, that was so cool! Well, that’s all! Later!”]

[Who knows how Sollux did that, but he’s Sollux, so anyone who knows him probably shouldn’t have it come as much of a surprise. Another thing that shouldn’t come as much of a surprise is the fact that he looks absolutely miserable. Granted, Sollux looks absolutely miserable anyway, but judging from that audio post it seems like he’s actually justified this time; Sollux has apparently become the next victim of every Trainer’s sworn enemy…]

[…Juggler Irwin.]

Hey, I’ve got a question.

This asshole has been calling me incessantly about pretty much every step I took since leaving Goldenrod. He’s a fucking stalker.

...

So, how much do assassination services go for in the Kanto area? Johto too, for that matter?

Comments

action cause hi

[shadowdive]

Those are pretty normal. How they get your number in the first place is another thing entirely, but I get one named Youngster Joey. At least it sounds like yours has... fairly normal things to say, instead of going on and on about his "awesome Rattata".

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[viiru2alert]

Normal? Vanitas, we have a stalker. And I can't even torture this one.

[...Look, he lived in a big city, okay. There were unpleasant folk around.]

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[shadowdive]

Collectively, I'm pretty sure we have seven stalkers.

[Going to snerk a bit though.] Just hang up on them as soon as you get the call, or you know, check your caller ID. If it's not something you recognize, don't answer it.

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[viiru2alert]

That's not the problem, dipshit. The problem is that he keeps using up my battery and, you know, hides in the bushes to watch every Gym battle.

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[shadowdive]

[Rolls his eyes.] Then have one Pokemon stand "guard" outside and when he's there, have it kick his ass.

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[viiru2alert]

I kind of need those Pokémon, though.

For the battles.

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[shadowdive]

All six of them?

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[viiru2alert]

Yeah.

[HM slaves are for the weak. Real men play with all six slots!!!!]

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[shadowdive]

[dis face]

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[viiru2alert]

[dis face.]

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[shadowdive]

Whatever. Once they get strong enough, you won't need to use more than two in one battle, probably.

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[viiru2alert]

Well they're not strong enough yet.

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[shadowdive]

Train more, obviously.

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[viiru2alert]

Already on it, obviously.

[What an intolerable shit grin this kid has.]

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[shadowdive]

Not obviously enough. What's your highest level now anyway?

[It could go crazy instead of shit eating instead.]

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[viiru2alert]

Forty.

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[shadowdive]

Not where they should be. Train harder.

[viiru2alert]

Thanks for the tip, Coach.

[He flips a bird in Vanitas' direction for good measure.]

[shadowdive]

Do you want me to break your finger?

[viiru2alert]

Why stop at the finger?

[shadowdive]

Because you need your hands to work for a living.

[viiru2alert]

And what's attached to the hands? The fingers.

I don't just slam my palms at the keyboard and magic appears, dumbass.

[shadowdive]

That's why it'd only be those middle fingers you keep flinging at me.

[viiru2alert]

But I need those to type.

[Not that anyone could tell. He goes so fast by this point that it's all just a flurry of movement attached to his knuckles.]

[shadowdive]

You'll adjust if you have to take a pencil in your mouth to tap the keys.