viiru2alert | eleven (video) ♊ vacation's where i wanna be

[Good evening, friends. Sollux kicks this feed off with a shot of four baby Pokémon -- a Dratini, Bulbasaur, Venipede, and Larvitar -- all kind of napping or something together. The Gear lingers on them for a second, and then twirls back around so everyone watching can get an eyeful of Sollux's hideous glasses. Oh god they're awful.] So, since Team Megido has now touched base in Olivine and I have nothing to do because, oh look, I already have my motherfucking Gym Badge [this was directed towards someone off-screen], I decided that now would be a great time to dick around a little on the PokéGear.

So, it's getting damn close to summer. The weather's getting warmer and it's fucking fabulous, I literally couldn't be happier with the current state of the thermometer right now. Unfortunately, all of the springtime fun and allergies and shit also meant that I have four freshly-hatched little asswipes crawling around all over the place. I think everyone's kind of sick of them by no-- oh, wait, did I say four? Sorry, meant five. [And the screen moves AGAIN, to a picture of an adorable baby Vullaby picking at her feathers.] Look at that bitch. Found her wandering around in the Safari Zone. Do you people know how long I've been looking for one of these? Way too fucking long.

[And then the feed goes back to him. Maybe he's done gloating about his altogether unremarkable accomplishments... maybe.] And now I'm going to get back on topic. Summer. Back on Trollplanet, the Dim Season didn't mean much except the night-time got hotter, and the day-time got... well, also hotter, but the sun also kind of scorched all of your skin off if you walked out there anyway. There weren't any of these... festivals or holidays or shit. In fact, there weren't any festivals at all.

So, what's the difference between a festival and those godawful parties? Please tell me they're at least bigger. I've been dragged to several holiday parties now and all of them have had too many people in not enough room.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[This is Sollux you're talking about, he's the smuggest smug to ever smug.]

We were nocturnal, genius. You learned pretty fast to get back inside before the sun comes up. It's fun to watch people flip their shit when they walk out into the bright morning sunshine for the first time, though.

So it's more like a cultural thing than a hey-let's-get-together-and-be-retarded thing?

[it is a wonder these two haven't created a smugularity or something]

There are plenty of nocturnal things here and in my world, but they're not particularly likely to die several minutes after the sun comes up if they can't find shelter. I suppose it's something I just have trouble conceptualizing, that's all.

For the most part, yes, though that doesn't stop people from making fools of themselves at them anyway.

[Smugception. WE MUST GO DICKIER.]

Yeah, it's too bad about your limited human potential.

It's really only certain kinds of humans that are limited. I'm sure I could figure out a way to survive there, even if I have a strong preference for daylight.

Because you're just the ultimate manifestation of human achievement and perfection, right?

[Not with a face like THAT you ain't. Gurlfrannnn'. On the off-chance that Kayneth can actually understand sarcasm, Sollux's tone is absolutely dripping with it.]

[...he does register it but he'll ignore it unless the sass continues...]

...I really wasn't claiming to be anything of the sort, though I am up there. Really, though, in my world there are humans with the ability to deal with this kind of thing.

And then, as all humans do, they'd try to invent shit to try and overcome the supreme weakness of their species, and try to make 'sun clothing' to go out. And then they'd burn to a crisp and die.

If they didn't burn to a crisp and die just from being in existence during the daytime, that is. Troll skin is much thicker than human skin, and even we get pret-ty badly sunburned if we go out. I knew a girl who happened to look up during the daytime and she went blind instantly.

That's... somewhat true, yes. You'd probably get an endless stream of individuals attempting to throw themselves out there until someone actually managed to make it work.

...That... still seems inhospitable to life to an absurd degree. Do you have anything resembling vegetation...?

Yes. Species adapt, dickwad. Plants that can handle the Alternian sun stay alive, and some plants that can't adapt so that they do. We had to do some genetic engineering on some of them back before I was hatched, but I doubt that humans have never tried to tamper with nature that way.

Well, it's not as though we don't have organisms that live under extreme conditions on my world, but they're generally only on the microscopic level, are the only ones living in that ecological niche, and cannot really survive well outside that niche. Furthermore... yes, we have genetically engineered organisms through centuries of breeding, but it's less to ensure that the species survives in the first place and more so that we can develop breeds for specific purposes.

I think the problem with my view of things, more or less, is that these environments are fairly limited on my planet, and therefore we don't have a reference for life existing in more extreme environments that cover an entire planet rather than a small, specialized niche. The rest of the solar system seems to have planets with conditions closer to the ones you're talking about, but as far as we know, it's really just Earth that can support life. Of course, I don't care much for technological matters so I can't tell if there have been any strides made in that area, but I'm sure you'd have to be living under a rock not to hear if life on another planet or moon within the solar system had been found.

Well, I'll be honest, you guys were kind of living under a rock for all of your existence if you didn't know that there were other forms of life in more extreme conditions in all the deep vastness of space. My planet, we have -- had -- pretty much a galactic empire. And, yeah, our conditions were pretty harsh, so whatever the other worlds threw at us, we could deal with. Maybe if you humans weren't so weak and squishy along with everything else on your planet, you would be able to be in the running for conquerors of the known universe too.

Honestly, I can't really argue with you on that. There's a lot of evidence to suggest that humans have actually declined over the centuries rather than advanced in terms of the sorts of things they can do under their own power-legendary heroes such as Gilgamesh and Alexander the Great couldn't be considered "weak and squishy" by any means, and if humanity was still in their league then we'd likely have very little difficulty conquering the known universe. As it is, the majority of humanity is in a completely deplorable state and relies on technology to compensate for their lack of any real ability. Even the most powerful mages of my generation pale in comparison to those who practiced magic even several centuries back.

Well, trolls kind of rely on technology too. Some of us do. Though to be honest, my caste is the most involved with technology as a whole, because higher-blooded trolls tend to go for more... primal approaches. The lowbloods who have powers use them, and the ones who don't use technology. [And then there's the nutcases like him.]

I suppose I can understand that, to an extent... honestly, we mages tend to have a dim view of modern technology as a general rule because to us it seems like poor, laughable attempts to replicate our successes when we can do better under our own power... but I really can't say how we'd view things if we were in a position like lowbloods.

Then again, I've always seen that aspect of your society as being a bit backwards due to my own personal biases.

It ain't bias. Our society is ass-backwards, period.

Well, I rather suspected you'd be in agreement.

[...though it may or may not be for the same reasons, um]

Look, troll society is not planned well.

But human society is so far from well-planned that it's on a whole other planet.

Yes, it's really quite ridiculous. It will probably only get worse, as well, but there's little anyone can do to change that.

eleven (video) ♊ vacation's where i wanna be

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