viiru2alert | eleven (video) ♊ vacation's where i wanna be

[Good evening, friends. Sollux kicks this feed off with a shot of four baby Pokémon -- a Dratini, Bulbasaur, Venipede, and Larvitar -- all kind of napping or something together. The Gear lingers on them for a second, and then twirls back around so everyone watching can get an eyeful of Sollux's hideous glasses. Oh god they're awful.] So, since Team Megido has now touched base in Olivine and I have nothing to do because, oh look, I already have my motherfucking Gym Badge [this was directed towards someone off-screen], I decided that now would be a great time to dick around a little on the PokéGear.

So, it's getting damn close to summer. The weather's getting warmer and it's fucking fabulous, I literally couldn't be happier with the current state of the thermometer right now. Unfortunately, all of the springtime fun and allergies and shit also meant that I have four freshly-hatched little asswipes crawling around all over the place. I think everyone's kind of sick of them by no-- oh, wait, did I say four? Sorry, meant five. [And the screen moves AGAIN, to a picture of an adorable baby Vullaby picking at her feathers.] Look at that bitch. Found her wandering around in the Safari Zone. Do you people know how long I've been looking for one of these? Way too fucking long.

[And then the feed goes back to him. Maybe he's done gloating about his altogether unremarkable accomplishments... maybe.] And now I'm going to get back on topic. Summer. Back on Trollplanet, the Dim Season didn't mean much except the night-time got hotter, and the day-time got... well, also hotter, but the sun also kind of scorched all of your skin off if you walked out there anyway. There weren't any of these... festivals or holidays or shit. In fact, there weren't any festivals at all.

So, what's the difference between a festival and those godawful parties? Please tell me they're at least bigger. I've been dragged to several holiday parties now and all of them have had too many people in not enough room.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, I'll be honest, you guys were kind of living under a rock for all of your existence if you didn't know that there were other forms of life in more extreme conditions in all the deep vastness of space. My planet, we have -- had -- pretty much a galactic empire. And, yeah, our conditions were pretty harsh, so whatever the other worlds threw at us, we could deal with. Maybe if you humans weren't so weak and squishy along with everything else on your planet, you would be able to be in the running for conquerors of the known universe too.

Honestly, I can't really argue with you on that. There's a lot of evidence to suggest that humans have actually declined over the centuries rather than advanced in terms of the sorts of things they can do under their own power-legendary heroes such as Gilgamesh and Alexander the Great couldn't be considered "weak and squishy" by any means, and if humanity was still in their league then we'd likely have very little difficulty conquering the known universe. As it is, the majority of humanity is in a completely deplorable state and relies on technology to compensate for their lack of any real ability. Even the most powerful mages of my generation pale in comparison to those who practiced magic even several centuries back.

Well, trolls kind of rely on technology too. Some of us do. Though to be honest, my caste is the most involved with technology as a whole, because higher-blooded trolls tend to go for more... primal approaches. The lowbloods who have powers use them, and the ones who don't use technology. [And then there's the nutcases like him.]

I suppose I can understand that, to an extent... honestly, we mages tend to have a dim view of modern technology as a general rule because to us it seems like poor, laughable attempts to replicate our successes when we can do better under our own power... but I really can't say how we'd view things if we were in a position like lowbloods.

Then again, I've always seen that aspect of your society as being a bit backwards due to my own personal biases.

It ain't bias. Our society is ass-backwards, period.

Well, I rather suspected you'd be in agreement.

[...though it may or may not be for the same reasons, um]

Look, troll society is not planned well.

But human society is so far from well-planned that it's on a whole other planet.

Yes, it's really quite ridiculous. It will probably only get worse, as well, but there's little anyone can do to change that.

eleven (video) ♊ vacation's where i wanna be

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