viiru2alert | eleven (video) ♊ vacation's where i wanna be

[Good evening, friends. Sollux kicks this feed off with a shot of four baby Pokémon -- a Dratini, Bulbasaur, Venipede, and Larvitar -- all kind of napping or something together. The Gear lingers on them for a second, and then twirls back around so everyone watching can get an eyeful of Sollux's hideous glasses. Oh god they're awful.] So, since Team Megido has now touched base in Olivine and I have nothing to do because, oh look, I already have my motherfucking Gym Badge [this was directed towards someone off-screen], I decided that now would be a great time to dick around a little on the PokéGear.

So, it's getting damn close to summer. The weather's getting warmer and it's fucking fabulous, I literally couldn't be happier with the current state of the thermometer right now. Unfortunately, all of the springtime fun and allergies and shit also meant that I have four freshly-hatched little asswipes crawling around all over the place. I think everyone's kind of sick of them by no-- oh, wait, did I say four? Sorry, meant five. [And the screen moves AGAIN, to a picture of an adorable baby Vullaby picking at her feathers.] Look at that bitch. Found her wandering around in the Safari Zone. Do you people know how long I've been looking for one of these? Way too fucking long.

[And then the feed goes back to him. Maybe he's done gloating about his altogether unremarkable accomplishments... maybe.] And now I'm going to get back on topic. Summer. Back on Trollplanet, the Dim Season didn't mean much except the night-time got hotter, and the day-time got... well, also hotter, but the sun also kind of scorched all of your skin off if you walked out there anyway. There weren't any of these... festivals or holidays or shit. In fact, there weren't any festivals at all.

So, what's the difference between a festival and those godawful parties? Please tell me they're at least bigger. I've been dragged to several holiday parties now and all of them have had too many people in not enough room.

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[See Kanaya. See Kanaya standing there for a moment, looking thoughtful, before she reaches down and scoops up the Dratini baby, craddling the little thing absently in her arms. Because BABY.]

Some of us enjoyed the Alternian sun, Sollux.

Coming from the guy that is a hive hermit? I'm surprised you even know what the moons looked like.

Well, I'm sorry, but I think some of us are getting a little entitled about our blood abilities.

[He's watching Kanaya like a hawk with that Dratini. Don't you hurt the little motherfucker. Don't.]

Windows, Vantas. Look 'em up.

Are you going to keep bringing that up? We know you have your badge, Sollux! If you like, you can offer us sage advice, but just saying you have it repeatedly doesn't do anyone any good.

[ Aradia's sitting nearby. She waited for him to get finished to say anything, flipping through her binder and noting things down. Not about his speech, of course. ]

And from what I've heard, festivals are more like the Breeder's Convention? Sort of big and outdoors-y. I hope they do have one, it'd be fun!

Also I'm not sick of them, they're adorable. You know Jake and Kanaya and I like baby pokemon.

Again, still surprised you were able to yank your head out of your nook to even look out one Tholluckth.

It does a lot of people good. It's a motivator. [No it's not, Sollux.] And if they're like the convention... eh. I can accept that, I guess.

It's not my fault you were all trapped in the shadows while I enjoyed the light.

[She would never! She gives the Dratini a scratch and coos softly at it.]

What is it's name?

It is not. You're just bragging for the sake of it. [ THAT'S WHAT BRAGGING IMPLIES. ]

Anyway, more importantly: did you decide on names for them yet? If you name any of them after Jake I am going to have to stage a protest. There are too many pokemon named after Jake.

[Gurlfrannnnnn...]

He doesn't have a name yet because I'm still figuring them out. It's not fuckin' easy to just distribute lifeling identifications willy-nilly.

[And watch him ignore most of that.]

SOLLUX! I LEFT THERE LAST NIGHT! You have the worst timing! [Pausing to read the rest...]

Yeah Festivals tend to be huge outdoor things, parties tend to be cozy indoor things.

I'm extremely flexible, Rantass.

Say that again, I don't think I heard it right due to the steady geyser eruptions that you call a mouth going overboard.

Are you fucking serious?!

[w e l p. Excuse Sollux as he casually slams a fist down on the ground, waking one or two of the babbies from their naps.]

I can't believe I missed that.

No, I think it's actually due to the fact that you blew your own ears out from all that bitching and carrying-on.

Dude, I thought you were trying to insult me here. The only asshat bitching and carrying-on here is oh. Right.

You.

[She frowns faintly.]

He needs a name before he starts identifying with something you don't want him to. What if he believes his name is 'Shoe?'

[And then, at the pokemon.]

Do you want to be called Shoe? Hmm?

Liar.

[He turns back to the babbies and picks up the Bulbasaur, gently dropping her in his lap.]

This one is a friggin' hipster, she wanted to be called Hummus. I shit you not. But other than that, nobody.

He says as he bitches and carries-on for possibly the tenth time today.

And besides, you go louder.

I am totally serious. I was there for nearly a week too! First on through until like, sixish last night. Most craptastical timing ever man!

[The Dratini blinks at her, somewhat uncomprehendingly.]

I don't think that a baby Pokémon with no limbs would know off the top of its head what a shoe is, KN.

And I'm damn proud of my volume, fuck you very much. Everyone is green with envy with the amount of decibels I can conquer within one ragefit.

Shit, I'm sorry, man. Where you at now? Maybe I can sprint out and meet up.

Everyone is green with sickness at having to listen to it.

If I've blown out your eardrums then how are you listening at all?

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eleven (video) ♊ vacation's where i wanna be

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