seven (text) ♊ if you're strong, you'll survive, and you'll keep your dream alive

[viiru2alert]

Hello PokéGear network, this is your captain speaking.

At least I might as well be. This is Sollux Captor, aka the guy who may as well have repaired every single damn Gear in the Johto-Kanto area, and I'm not here to talk about my shitty job. I'm here to talk about why I'm not using hideous mustard-yellow text: it's because i'm about to spill a textdump and, for the first time in my life, mind, I'm using the normal font for your convenience.

It's recently come to my attention that all of you suck, suck, suck at battling.

Not at the technique or the power, no. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are great at that. But for every Trainer who isn't aiming to be the top of the Pokémon League, and are just doing this for whatever reason, let me ask you something: the only Pokémon you've fought with in the past month have been wild ones, right? To train your Pokémon? If you're like most people, I'm right. We have here a world inhabited by creatures of immense magical and physical power, and we're not even using any of them... even though we make them fight the local wildlife critters as though we are. Doesn't that strike you as a little bit retarded?

So for this reason, I've had some nice chats with some friends of mine for this idea I got the other day.

It's called the Pokémon Fight Club. That is exactly what it is.

It's basically a little... battle meeting, I guess you would call it, that doesn't depend on meeting in a certain location. Think of it like a game, a video game if you're familiar with that kind of stuff, where you can go out into the world and play this game with anyone you happen to meet on whatever Route you're on. It's like that. But with Pokémon battles. The whole point of this is to fight way more interesting and challenging opponents than the uneducated heathens in the tall grass, and I guess you can meet people and make friends too, if you're into that kind of stuff. And, of course, promote a healthy and friendly battling culture in the middle of all these goddamn Breeders.

Everyone in the PFC doesn't have to attend meetings or whatever to be a member, because that's just impractical. We're all traveling Trainers, for fuck's sake. What you do need to do is keep a binder or a notebook or a PokéGear document for the sole purpose of keeping track of your PFC battles. If you want, we can even have a contest or something at the end of the year for people who did a shitton of battling, and whoever won the most legitimate battles wins. It would really help if you had video documentation of these battles, too; take them with your PokéGear and save them onto your accounts in the PC. That makes it a lot easier for everyone, seriously.

The way this works is with an armband. Just any old armband will do, we won't make you spend 2000 Poké on a special one. You're walking along the Route and gee whiz, that person walking on the opposite side of the road is wearing an armband! Now what the fuck does that mean? It means they're part of the PFC, that's what it means. Every Trainer in the PFC needs to show everyone else that they're part of the PFC and are therefore open to battling anytime, anywhere. If you're wearing an armband it means you have to accept every single battle offer you get from some other person wearing an armband, and it also means you should be on the lookout for other people also wearing armbands so you can challenge them, too. And if you're worried about your poor little babies being forced into a fight when they're too weak to hold their ground, here's an idea: take off the armband.

I love bolding things. Christ.

Anyway, these armbands serve another purpose. You may be worried about walking up to a Trainer, asking them for a battle, and not knowing that they secretly have a team of obscenely powerful Dragon-types that they're pitting against your level five Igglybuff. We have a fix for this. They're the armbands. We have certain "color tiers" of armband, and each tier stands for a different level. That way, if you challenge a team of obscenely powerful Dragon-types with your level five Igglybuff, you were completely informed beforehand and it is literally completely your fault. (By the way, this is the exception to the "every battle rule": if the other guy has a band at least two tiers higher than yours, then you can turn him down. You can also sleep nicely with the knowledge that he is a giant flaming asshole and will probably be struck by divine lightning at some point in the future.)

I'm sure there are a bunch of people who are great with sewing and all that shit, and they can make you custom armbands with little designs on them. That's totally okay. Just as long as the dominant color is still your color tier. You know what happens when it's not? Dragon-type guy comes back and he thinks you're in his tier, but you still have your level five Igglybuff. It is still completely your fault.

Here's the color tiers.

1-10: Red
11-20: Brown
21-30: Orange
31-40: Yellow
41-50: Green
51-60: Teal
61-70: Blue
71-80: Purple
81-90: Pink
91-100: Black
100: White

Oh, also. Say you want to train a bunch of people on your main team, but some of them felt like super overachievers the other day and are now in a different tier than your other ones. Or they're in a lower tier because they're lazy or you just caught them or something. Please, for the love of god, don't wear six armbands, you look stupid. Instead, go find some small badges (not Badges, mind, you're just asking to be robbed if you do that) of different colors. Pick the tier that most of your team is on. Then pin on a badge for every Pokémon that's not in the tier encompassed by your armband. So if you have six Pokémon and four of them are green, but one of them is yellow and one of them is teal, then pin a yellow badge and a teal badge on your green band. Simple.

If enough people look like they might actually care about this, then I'll flesh it out more, even write up a more detailed rules page. But for now, if you've got any response to this idea (even if it's just a stupid looking GIF), then by all means, post that shit.

Yours insincerely,
2ollux captor.

Comments

[islandshore]

About time somebody suggested something like this.

I'm definitely game, and if you need to use the Training Center for any reason, it's up for grabs. Besides, people really don't do enough serious battles, if you ask me.

[viiru2alert]

noted.
btw, ii wa2 planniing two make liike an approved lii2t of iin-ciity battliing faciiliitiie2 for people who dont want two walk all the way out two a cornfiield ju2t two have a pokémon battle.
do you have public battliing riing2 iin that traiiniing center? becau2e iif you do, ii 2ure a2 fuck need them.

text;

[timelymaid]

sollux
okay first of all
no
hm

okay im not sure where to start here
so i will just address the populace at large:
if you have any questions i will be happy to help out
i will also drop my text color if necessary for this
ignore sollux hes a jerk

sollux youre fired from pr for anything ever
even if its something you come up with

text;

[viiru2alert]

oh iim 2orry, ii dont 2eem to remember puttiing you iin a po2iitiion where you had the authoriity two do that, mi22 megiido.

but yeah whatever, you can a2k her two, iif you want an iinferiior but more con2iiderately worded an2wer.

[failures]

Count me in!

This is an awesome idea since I've noticed a lot less people willing to battle on the road lately. What's the point of training your Pokemon if you're not going to battle people with them, right?

[viiru2alert]

2weet.
that wa2 pretty much my thiinkiing two. wanna challenge 2omeone?
"ooh, ii dont want two riight now!"
there ha2 to be 2OMEONE out there who ii2nt a wu22.

[Text]

[friendyousohard]

You know, I actually find this a pretty interesting idea. But how does it work if you have a team that isn't all at the same level?

Just as an example here, I have three level 80s, a level 70, a level 68, and then my next strongest is a level 50. All my others are still very much in the "in training" stage. If I were a member of this group would I wear a purple armband and just deal with the disadvantage, or what?

[Text]

[viiru2alert]

ii diidnt mentiion thii2 before, but here2 what you do.
you get badge2 you can put on your armband.
wear the hiighe2t tiier youve got, and for every pokémon of a diiferent tiier, you wear a badge for them.
2o iin your ca2e you would have a piink badge (or purple iif theyre ju2t 80 and not 82 or 2omethiing), and al2o a blue, teal, and green badge for you weaker one2.
ju2t make 2ure to wear them promiinently.

[Text]

[shippingmath]

Shit, you don't pull any punches.
Insults to our intelligence and ability and everything.
It's the perfect recruiting play.
I feel completely convinced to participate in your fight club.
Sign me up, dude.

[Text]

[viiru2alert]

ok, 2marta22.
youre 2iigned up two the completely nonexii2tent 2iign-up 2heet.
now go fiind an armband 2o you can functiionally do anythiing.

[text]

[sculpted]

[[Oho! Armstrong would be lying if he said he wasn't interested in this whole thing; having his Pokemon train against each other is effective, but they're obviously becoming bored with it.]] 

What a wonderful idea! The chance to meet other trainers and bond over your respective strengths and discipline, a true clash of noble souls! You can consider me greatly interested, my friend! 

[[...you know it's probably good this is only over text, because it's forcing him to keep his shirt on. If only it were video and he could display his glee with a show of his gleaming muscles.......]] 

Tell me; if we have Pokemon of varying levels, would it be possible to wear many different colours of armband, to represent them all? Or would it be more appropriate to participate only with teams of a certain level range?

[text]

[viiru2alert]

thank2.
anyway, there2 a badge 2y2tem iin place here. youre the 2econd one two a2k about iit, 2o ii gue22 ii should ediit it iintwo the maiin post now, but here2 the ba2iic2.
get a band for the hiighe2t tiier you own.
then, get a badge for every pokémon who2 not iin that tiier.
ju2t wear them promiinently.
and iif you have ii gue22 four guy2 iin teal and one guy iin blue and green, ju2t go ahead and wear the teal one.
thii2 ii2 better than multiiple armband2 becau2e you can 2how how many pokémon go out of your tiier wiithout weariing liike 2ix thiing2 on your arm.

[Text]

[moveslikestrider]

hahahhaha finally
i was getting tired of challenging people only they didnt want to battle
or were a boring not challenge at all
i want to work it not faceroll

now call me curious
how long have you been sitting on this

[Text]

[viiru2alert]

iive been combiing and recombiing thii2 plan iinten2ely.
liiterally every 2iingle nuance and cranny of the johto battliing 2cene ha2 been accounted for and added iintwo my many calculatiion2.
countle22 year2 of re2earch by johto2 top name2 iin pokémon have gone iintwo thii2.
ii have developed thii2 plan cea2ele22ly over the exten2iive 2pan of two day2.

[Text]

[anabottleofcola]

While such a name as the "Pokemon Fight Club" sounds remotely sordid, the concept has my utmost support.

If such a thing really HASN'T existed all this time, I wonder at how the most advanced of the Trainers among us have gotten by seeking bouts that do justice to their experience.

[Text]

[viiru2alert]

well, there are tournament2 every 2o often for all of the experiienced one2, but tho2e arent really my 2tyle.
2o ii diid thii2.

Text

[wontturntostone]

Aradia Told Me I Should Come And Look At This
Hi Sollux
So A Battle Club
Hm

I Suppose Everyone Will Need Custom Armbands Now

Text

[viiru2alert]

hii.
well, everyone who want2 2ome and doe2nt know anyone el2e who can 2ew, ye2.
ii know battliing aiint your thiing, 2o you can feel free two ju2t blow thii2 all off iif you want.

[text]

[digital_bingo]

That sounds really cool! But if you get challenged to fight, do you have to use your entire team if you're wearing an armband for one set when your team might be scattered in terms of levels?

[text - omfg I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD DIGIMON. I love you]

[viiru2alert]

you can 2et rule2 and re2triictiion2 for the fiight ju2t liike a regular one.
2o ju2t 2ay, "oh hey, ii want two have a two on two battle, ii2 that ok?" and you 2hould be good.
ii dont thiink anyone wiith le22 than two pokémon would be u2iing thii2 2y2tem, tbh.
and of cour2e you can u2e the badge 2y2tem outliined above iif you want two tell everyone HEY II HAVE POKÉMON OF DIIFFERENT LEVEL2 or 2omethiing.

[text]

[divinewind]

[Did someone say battles?]

a battle club sounds very exciting! I would like to join it.

the pokemon in the grass are all very boring about their strategies. if they are all anyone has been fighting then I should think everyone will be glad of this idea.

[text]

[viiru2alert]

then fiind an armband and go two town, there2 no 2iignup requiired.
iim 2ure there wiill be people who dont want two fiight becau2e theyre 2tupiid, but anyone 2mart wiill liike thii2, ye2.

text

[shadowdive]

Count me in.

text

[viiru2alert]

now how diid ii know youd 2how up around here 2ooner or later?
eheheh.

[text]

[usedsuperpower]

Oh yes good, Stitch wants to fight!

[text]

[viiru2alert]

then go for iit, dude.

[The amount of positive feedback he's getting on this is surprising.]

[enjoymyatelier]

Well, I have to say I'm glad someone started this. The natives are invariably terribly uncreative in their strategies, and I seem to keep running into ones that hound me for my contact information so that they may contact me to tell me about how their useless rodent is in the top percentage of all useless rodents.

[viiru2alert]

2weet mother of fuck, TELL ME ABOUT IIT.
ii 2topped giiviing out my gear number after the one guy turned out to be a 2talker.
liiterally.
he creeped around behiind me around johto and kanto and called me every tiime ii diid anythiing.
"oh, ii 2aw you get that gym badge! ii wa2 watchiing through the wiindow! ehehehe!!"
ii got riid of hiim eventually after a few death threat2, but chrii2t. le22on learned.

[sunpendant]

[Reading through all that on the gear screen was the worst combination of tedious and unsettling that Raven has experienced in years. Under ordinary circumstances she wouldn't say anything, thinking it not her business, but...the monsters here feel like her business.]

You spent all this time and energy encouraging people to fight with each other?

[viiru2alert]

ii 2pent all thii2 tiime and energy encouragiing people two engage iin the friiendly competiitiion they 2iigned up for.

[text]

[eclectical]

hmmmm...
this sounds like a neat idea!

[text]

[viiru2alert]

good.
be 2ure two baffle the 2hiit out of your friiend2 when you 2uddenly 2how up wiith a miilliion armband2 iin a pocket of your backpack, eheheh.