viiru2alert | thirteen (text) ♊ i won't release tomorrow. i won't entomb yesterday.

[On the 25th, a video pops up on the PokéGear. If the thread hasn't gotten to that point yet, there will be a big, embarrassing temper tantrum involved on Sollux's part, over his inability to CATCH A FUCKING FOSSIL FISH while it's swarming. If anyone responds, he doesn't see it.]

[And then, several days later...]

hey guy2.
2o ii gue22 2ome of you mu2t have 2aw that viideo earliier, huh?
iif you diidnt, dont worry about iit, iiit2 not iimportant.
iin fact iit i2nt even real.
fuckiin fake.
kk and ii (kk being the shorter one) were just kiind of fuckiing aroudn on the pokégear and we got iin an argument for old tiimes 2ake. we do that all the tiime, it's ok, nothiing came of iit.
ii mean the argument wa2nt even real anyway.
fuckin fakey fake viideo.
2o dont come two me all WOW SOLLYX YOU ARE A FUCKING WIIMP WHYD YOU FLIIP OUT LIIKE THAAT.
becau2e ii diidnt.d efiiniitely not.
i don't even know why kk po2ted iit to be hone2t.

yeeah thats iit, captwor out

[Obviously, he's lying through his mutant oversized teeth. Feel free to mock him relentlessly; you'll probably get a nuclear breakdown on his point, but hey, at least it'll be funny.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I only brought that font out for Sollux anyway, I usually use this one. Woofbeast?

YOU HUMANS REALLY NEED A LESSON ON NOT PURPOSEFULLY ANTAGONIZING TROLLS.
IT MEANS SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO US.
A "WOOFBEAST" IS OUR WAY OF SAYING "DOG."

Me and Sollux have a standing date to beat the crap out of each other if we ever get out hands on powers for more than five seconds so... I think the antagonizing ship has sailed.

OH MY GOD.
IF YOU HURT HIS POOR, BIPOLAR FEELINGS I SWEAR I WILL RIP YOU A NEW ONE USING THE HORNS OF MY SAWSBUCK.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE "YOU BREAK HIS HEART, I BREAK YOUR FACE" MOMENTS.

[There was a nice long pause as he stared at his screen in total bafflement. Finally, frowning, he typed in a reply. Carefully.]

We didn't discuss dinner to go with it though. If it was like that I would totally get him dinner too. Or make him buy. Whoever won I guess.

YOU GUYS CAN'T SEE IT FROM OVER HERE, BUT THERE ARE DISGUSTING RIVERS BURSTING THROUGH THE DAM THAT IS MY TEAR DUCTS.
ALL OF THE TEARS.
WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE AND NOT A DROP TO DRINK LEVELS, DUDE.
IT'S NOT LIKE SOLLUX EVEN HAS ALL THE SWAG TO KEEP THE ASSHOLES COMING TO HIM LIKE BEES CHASING AFTER THE BRIGHTEST AND FULLEST FLOWER ON A COOL MIDSEASON'S NIGHT.
APPARENTLY HIS LISP MUST BRING ALL THE DOUCHEBAGS TO THE LAWNRING.
I'M COMPLETELY ENVIOUS OF OTHERS AND THEIR ABILITY TO HUNT DOWN HATE DATES.

Edited 2013-07-31 01:41 (UTC)

waiit.
youre not takiing hii2 bull2hiit 2eriiou2ly are you??

DID MY BLOOD SUDDENLY TURN OLIVE?
AM I ATTACHING A CAT TAIL TO MY BELT?
DO YOU SEE CATPUNS ABOUNDING IN ALL OF THIS GRAY TEXT?
OF COURSE I'M TAKING THIS 100% SERIOUSLY, CAPTOR.
SHIPPING IS
MOTHERFUCKING
SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Edited 2013-07-31 01:45 (UTC)

ok, good. ju2t checkiing.

I JUST MISS TROLLING THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE.
WHILE I CAN ADMIT THAT I WASN'T REALLY ALL THAT GREAT AT IT, THIS FEELING IS SOMEWHAT NOSTALGIC.
THIS GUY MUST BE THAT GULLIBLE.

ii know man, iit mu2t be tough.
ii mean youre not even good at trolliing and youre a fuckiing troll.
you ju2t keep at iit, brother.

AT LEAST I AM A BETTER ONE THAN YOU.
THAT'S ALL I REALLY CARE ABOUT.
I MIGHT BE PATHETIC, BUT I'M NOWHERE NEAR THE LEVEL THAT SOLLUX CAPTOR HAS DESCENDED TO.

you ju2t keep telliing your2elf that..

SORRY, CAPTOR.
YOU HAVE TO FACE THE TRUTH SOMEDAY.

Eh? It's not a hate date! It's just two friends meeting up to prove who is superior because we can't see eye to eye on who it is. That's all!

Oh, and we were thinking maybe bets could happen with this too, but we'd have to plan it better for that and that'd probably have to be another time.

I TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I?
SUCH THINGS MEAN SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO A TROLL THAN IT DOES A HUMAN.
OR ARE YOU PLAYING MY BEST FRIEND?

[He frowned at the gear critically.]

Well, I'm not gonna be a jerk and cancel, first, we've had this planned for MONTHS. Second, just what all is the follow up I should be expecting here because I'm clearly unprepared.

SLOPPY MAKE OUTS ARE USUALLY PAR THE COURSE.
CAREFUL, THOUGH
CAPTOR IS A BITER.

[Doing that long pause thing again because now he's going to figure out how to let down Sollux about a lack of make outs. Damn it.]

A biter. Well, that's a bonus I guess.

JUST BE GLAD THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS USUAL FUCKED UP TEETH.
IT WOULD BE LIKE KISSING A JAGGED CHAINSAW.

Hey, it's not like there aren't people back home with super pointy teeth alright? Just never had any urge to kiss any of them. Opposite side of the battle field and whatnot.

HAHAHA.
DUDE, NO. YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND THE LEVEL OF "POINTY TEETH" THAT HE HAS.
THEY DON'T EVEN FIT IN HIS MOUTH CORRECTLY.
HE EVEN THOUGHT I WAS DOING HIM A FAVOR WHEN I KNOCKED THEM OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
YOU'RE NOT *WORRIED* ARE YOU?